Do you have a child that has been described as having behavior problems? Perhaps they have been described as being defiant, disorderly, disruptive and being disobedient. Perhaps they are being called bullies. Perhaps they have been labeled as ODD – oppositional defiance disorder – the favorite new label for children with behavior issues. Maybe your child is one of the millions that is taking one or more medications for their behavior issues because somebody thinks their behavior is caused by anxiety or depression or hyperactivity.
Maybe you are one of the millions of parents who is wondering…
- What is going on with my child?
- Why can’t we get through to him about his behavior?
- Why can’t he change his behavior?
- Where is that sweet little kid he used to be?
- Why doesn’t she ‘get it’ that behaving like this is not acceptable?
- Why does punishment not work with my child?
I would like to ask you to think about this – children don’t choose to be difficult. They do not choose to display negative behaviors. No child consciously decides to be difficult, argumentative or defiant, or to be a bully.
So why are they doing this?
I want to challenge you to consider that the so-called ‘behavior disorders’ do not really exist. Children who struggle to behave in ways that enhance their relationships and their lives have an imbalance (or a number of imbalances) in the way their body and spirit functions. It is this imbalance that takes control and drives them to be irritable, naughty, have meltdowns, temper tantrums, become bullies and more. Once any imbalance in the child’s body and spirit is identified and corrected, the behavioral symptoms will be significantly reduced and in most cases will disappear.
If this is true – and there is huge evidence that it is (email me if you want research links), then it means we must address behavioral issues in a completely different way. We can no longer punish these children, ground them, therapize them, talk to them, try to convince them to behave well. This will not make a drop of difference while there continues to be an undetected and untreated underlying root cause that is actually driving this behavior. And until we identify and remove this rot cause, these children will continue to have so-called behavior problems – which eventually create further related problems.
The Core Principle of Parents, Take Charge!
So here is what I ask you to take away from this blog – the fact that behavior problems are a sign of some kind of imbalance in the body and spirit of the child that is driving the child to behave in ways they would not normally choose to do. The outward behaviors we see in those children with behavior issues may be the same or similar in most children, but the root causes that lead each child to behave in these ways may be very different.
This concept is the core principle of my Parents, Take Charge! Program. So parents, if you have a child who displays so-called behavior disorders, I urge you to consider the following:
- Stop using the words ‘behavior disorder’ – or any other label that somebody has slapped on your wonderful child.
- Realize that the child is not in control of his problematic behavior and that something in his body and spirit has gone out of balance and is driving this.
- Educate yourself about the different kind of body- spirit issues that children with behavior problems have.
- Become totally focused on discovering what is happening in your child’s body and spirit that could be driving this behavior (remembering that this will be different for every child).
- Find the kind of healthcare specialists that:
– understand this body-spirit way of thinking
– and have the skills to find the root causes in both the child’s body and spirit.
6. Don’t stop until you know that you have truly identified the root causes for your child’s behavior.
7. Find and apply a tailored, integrated body-spirit solution specific to your child’s imbalance.
Parents who Take Charge! are prepared to keep on going until they find what their particular child’s body and spirit needs to be able to behave in ways that will make them feel whole and happy again. These are parents who reject and despise generic labels and will keep on searching until they find the personalized solution for their unique child’s unique challenges. And, most importantly, these are parents that take the time to learn the practical parenting tools that they can use every day to heal and restore the child’s healthy, curious, feisty, happy, loving spirit.
Take Charge! parents know that restoring the child’s natural and healthy balance in their bodies, brains and spirits will never come from taking a pill.